I shall write a review. Soon. 

lallyinthesky:

Love, 

The rest of the Drexel Film Department

Many moons ago, during my freshman year of college, I had a damn-fine roommate named Paul. Paul is a decent guy. A real decent guy.

He says to me: “Dude… have you seen this?”

He brings his laptop to my bed, and it’s on youtube, with the “Scott Pilgrim” trailer cued up. 

I said “no.”

“It looks REALLY good,” says he, as he pushes play.

A crazed smile crossed my face. 

It did look good. In fact, it looked like it was made completely for me. 

It had the visuals of old school video games, and a plot that seemed to be adapted from more than a few of my many old Nintendo games. 

I waited the next few months with anticipation to see what I believed would be a movie tailored to my decidedly old-school loves and interests. 

The fateful day came. I, along with my dear friend Victoria,  went to the theater to see it. 

The opening had a Sega Genesis-era version of the Universal logo and theme song. I laughed and said “This is so awesome!!” (Quietly of course… we were in the frikkin’ movies.)

I sat and watched. I was bedazzled by its special effects and clever shout outs to people in the know. 

And it was so funny. Laugh-out-loud funny. 

About midway through, I said to myself “Wow, I’ve gotta see this with Dad, and Ricky and Joey… and blah blah blah… they will love this!” 

And then after the movie was over… I realized something awful. 

It sucked. A lot. 

I wanted to like Scott Pilgrim. I really did. I wanted to love it, even. It really seemed like it was made from everything that interests me and is part of my character.

But I just couldn’t.

And the main problem? I hated the characters. And there was absolutely no reason to like them. I didn’t care who lived, and who died. I didn’t care who got the girl or who didn’t. The storyline, while I loved its simplicity, was rendered worthless because I didn’t care about who was involved.

Scott was an unlikeable imbecile, and don’t get me started on Ramona… the LEAST likeable love interest I have in my memory. All of the bosses (“evil-exes,” whatever) were completely generic and dull.  And Scott’s band really sucked too. Why would I want such fools to succeed? I didn’t. 

One character I DID like, however, was Scott’s gay roommate. That guy was awesome, haha. 

Everything was all spectacle and no substance. 

“Scott Pilgrim,” in many ways, reminded me of 2008’s “Speed Racer.” “Speed Racer,” as you may recall was a financial flop, and was critically panned. “Scott Pilgrim” suffered the same monetary fate, but was very well received. 

Sure “Speed Racer” had its flaws, but it had something “Scott Pilgrim” did not, and never would: A heart and soul. 

I CARED about the characters in “Speed Racer,” and their plight.

As my good friend Ricky once said “If you’re in the right state of mind when you watch Speed Racer, it’s actually a very moving film.” And that is a statement I completely agree with. 

I cried in “Speed Racer.” The story was wonderful, the characters were likable, and the effects and cinematography were creative, original, and mind-blowing. 

More and more, Scott Pilgrim is an empty husk. 

It’s not the director’s fault… I think he did a great job. The visuals were also top-notch, and the classic video-game shout-outs were great. 

The characters killed it. Along with a terrible story (that would have been saved by good characters).

And something terrible that was made horrifyingly apparent to me as I watched the movie: hipsters would eat this $#!t up. 

They would worship, and whine: “You guys are sooooo lame… you all suck for not seeing Scott Pilgrim. It was the best movie of the year by far, breh! It’s terrible that it didn’t make bank… look at the state of America where we don’t support originality!”

^ Give me a break. Seriously. 

Scott Pilgrim failed financially. Get over it. You also need to come to terms with it’s fatal flaws. Again, get over it. 

Now the retaliative imbecile among you may say: “DOOD. NO1 SAW SPEED RACER BCUZ IT WAS GEY AND IT SUCKD.”

And then I will say: “I’ve come to terms that Speed Racer wasn’t successful in a financial sense, and I admit that it had more than a few flaws. However, it still affected me and had a heart and a soul. And therefore, it will always be better than Scott Pilgrim.”

Hipster: “Dude, you are so wrong. You’ve lost all your credibility.”

Joe: “False. I have complete credibility. And you have zero. And you never have.”

Hipster: “Whatever man. Scott Pilgrim is great and your review sucks.”

Joe: “Actually, my opinion is right.”

I AM JOE THE OMNIPOTENT AND MY REVIEW IS IRREFUTABLE!

The End [:]-Z-<

(This was a test review… what did you think?)

- I am 19 years old.

- I am a film major…

- … but I am not your average film major.

- I am not compelled to see artsy movies, nor do I think all independent films are gems. I don’t really care who wrote it, or who directed it, or what the cinematography is like, etc. What I care about, and what I believe is most important in any medium, is how it affects the viewer. If it is enjoyable, and affects me… I will probably like it. 

- I am a big fan of music in movies and video games, and they will get their own reviews.

- I HATE followers. Not YOU followers… but the “followers” in society. For example: “DOOD, TEH DARK KNIGHT IZ DA BEST MOOVIE EVAR!!!!” or “HALO HAS TEH BEST MUSIK EVAR HERD!!!1!!111.” <— wrong on both accounts. VERY wrong.

- Expect thinly veiled stabs at people I know during reviews. 

- Suggestions are welcome!:-) I will do movies, and video game reviews, along with some TV and soundtracks as well. 

- Read. Enjoy. Live.

- My opinion is right.